Lucky for Madonna's legacy (and for us, this blog, and the fate of the world's children), the first video of Headmistress Ciccone's career still feels like a high-note. But in true Madonna form, the song's high notes are, in fact, not high, painfully easy to reach, and compensated with elaborate choreography. We're talking about "Everybody," Madonna's first single and declaration of dancefloor authority. The ideal drag queen sings this song through a bullhorn.
Strangely, the video opens with a slithery bait-shop clerk who woos us with his beaver-pelt haircut and an enormous brown leather vest. Oh, silly-fucking-me, that's actually Madonna, apparently fresh off a fishing trip at Lake Minnetonka, boasting a green plaid shirt and a Siouxsie Sioux bangs-and-makeup DIY starter set. Generally I applaud Madonna for her early getup, which was a genuine extension of her doorstop-urchin Danceteria days; but of course, Madonna is Madonna because of how swiftly and unashamedly she appropriates styles and themes of yore. That said, please welcome our emcee, Ms. Pat Benatarded, to the stage:
The girl's only worth about 43 bucks at this point, but she sure sells herself for at least 52.
Now that Madonna has assured us with Christmasy stage lights and bronze scrims that she booked the abandoned set of Name That Tune, she lets loose with the most determined step-side-step choreography I've seen since the singalong portion of my kindergarten graduation. The rest of the room's undulating patrons keep cool with -- what else -- top hats and Flashdance regalia. Sappy as it is, this video really epitomizes what Madonna fans actually love about her: that electric ignition of carnal liberation with several Dallas-sized helpings of melodrama. And yeah, bitchiness, bossiness, and dubious taste. Sigh. I could just lose myself in those beautiful words.
Except then I find myself again, choking wildly, on these words:
"I know you've been waiting... yeah...
I've been watching you... yeah...
I know you wanna get up... yeah...
Come on..."
First she forces us to orgasm with her belted khakis and black gym shoes, and now we're already ready for seconds with this breathy come-on. Get UP and do our THING we will, big M. All ovah your body. The viewer's pleas for mercy (particularly from my hot double entendres) escalate when the director brilliantly decides to superimpose multiple shots of Madonna on each other like so many strips of cellophane. The fun then turns seriously creepy when, in these layered videos, you can see the stage behind Madonna in the black of her eyes and open mouth. I'd say this was a huge directorial mistake, except Prince needed inspiration for the "Raspberry Beret" video somehow, and by God, "Everybody" pulled through.
This video is so classically campy, so bodaciously bad, and so delectably dated. Naturally, that means Madonna hates it now and I dig it severely. This disjoint in opinion represents quintessential Madonna fandom rigamarole; you find yourself becoming her adversary each time you like (or prefer) her lost personas. Except the Madonna in "Everybody" was not so much a persona as it was a scrappy Midwesterner scrambling for the bigtime. Despite what Mrs. Ritchie (or, ahem, the rumored ex-Mrs. Ritchie) may want, that motivation is what we still root for. It's not the condescending life lessons she spews in interviews, nor the trillion-dollar concert theatrics. It's about seeing that bitchy white girl's stake and thrill in dancing on top of the world.
And can you believe it? The ho may actually understand.
No comments:
Post a Comment